One Way to Stop Worrying

This is a photo of our cat Jack Frost and the children. If you are wondering, Jack has white toes, as in "Jack Frost nipping at your toes." He loves water.
A recent adventure with Jack brought about the topic of this post. So, have you ever heard the expression, "Give it to God?" This is in reference to giving our worries and problems to God. I have always thought this is right on, but I often have trouble "giving God" my worries.
Well, when Jack got sick this week, I had a chance to get some clarity on this. He actually had a heat stroke. (I just realized that is kind of funny, with his name and all.) I took him to our local vet, and they treated him. His temperature came down to normal, and he was able to come home when the vet closed for the day. However, when I got him back home, he still looked very ill and wouldnt eat or drink. I took his temperature (you can find directions on how to take a cat's temperature on "e-how." We ARE getting a new thermometer for the family now)-- but anyway I took his temperature and it had shot up again. I would have liked to take him to the emergency vet, but I also did not feel right spending the extra money on it. I decided to monitor him and try to wait until morning. After makeing that decision, I kept second guessing myself and worrying about Jack. Finally it was as if God told me "Look, you just make the best decision you can, and stop worrying about it. I am the one who makes perfect decisions, you cannot do that. So let go of it and get some rest. I'm handling this."
After that, I knew it was OK to stop worrying, but I was still having trouble stopping. Then I invented a very helpful mental image. It was inspired by the shop vac we have borrowed from my parents. I love it -- I feel like I can vaccum up anything with it. So I imagined a big shop vac in heaven with the hose reacing down from the sky. It reaches down close enough that I can hold my worries up to the nozzle and it sucks them up. In a flash. I gave it to God. It is very satisfying, albeit primitive, and it actually helps me stop worrying. I have been doing that to needless fears and worries when I detect them. As a mom, I have plenty of opportunities to worry. But the shop vac is helping.
Oh, and to follow up on Jack Frost: his temperature dropped in the night and now he is fine and spunky again. I never even took him back to the vet.

Body Image Troubles?

Last week I decided to make a pair of cut off jean shorts. I went online to a popular clothing store's website (sort or rhymes with "averygood beagle")to look for pictures to decide how long to cut them. OK, so I just opened their homepage and I was totally shocked. These little girls modelling the clothes look like they are in a "feed the children" add. They really look like they need someone to send them a bowl of rice.

Call me naive. Well, I am a little naive because I dont have network TV at home, I seldom go to malls, and I dont look at women's magazines. Now, even though I avoid those things for the most part, I still feel pressure to conform to society's idea of what a female looks like. But when I went on this company's websit, I was blown away. There is NO WAY those girls in their adds are healthy. I went on a couple of other sites for clothing stores who market to young women, and found really similar results. The "Averygood Beagle" site bothered me the most though, because it was the one I looked at which was oriented toward the youngest set -- I know its probably the most popular store with most high school girls around here. I hate to think they are internalizing these adds.

I have begun doing a little research into body image issues, and issues regaurding the way women are depicted in media. It is discouraging how few resources there are on this topic. The objectification of women (and the human body in general, male or female) apparently is something we are so used to that we are insensitive to it. There is obviously financial motivations.

I am especially discouraged by looking at the television programming that is oriented toward pre-teens. The preoccupation with image, both physical image and "attitude" image is apparently the main thrust of much of the programming. In school as well, I see this age group under pressure to focus on superficialities, with independent thinking and unique interests discouraged. Individuality is discouraged. Passion is discouraged.

OK, this is my first time attempting a rant on this topic, and there are many people who adress it much more elloquently than me. I just feel I have to take a shot at it, though. I encourage everyone to look into some of these issues: body image, self esteem (especially for girls), issues facing teens, media depiction of women, etc. I just started googleing some of these things and have found some interesting results.

BUT, we can go on about how bad all these things are all day, but ultimately the only way to change anything is to TAKE ACTION, STARTING WITH YOUR OWN MIND AND HEART AND WILL. Here is something I found that I LOVE. (for some reason this copied out of order, but I dont think it matters)

10 “Will-Powers” for Improving Body Image (by Michael Levine and Linda Smolak.

1. Twice a day, everyday, I WILL ask myself: “Am I benefiting from focusing on what I believeare the flaws in my body weight or shape?”

10. I WILL treat my body with respect and kindness. I will feed it, keep it active, and listen toits needs. I will remember that my body is the vehicle that will carry me to my dreams!

9. I WILL surround myself with people and things that make me feel good about myself and my
abilities. When I am around people and things that support me and make me feel good, I will be less likely to base my self-esteem on the way my body looks.

8. I WILL practice taking people seriously for what they say, feel, and do. Not for
how slender, or “well put together” they appear.

7. I WILL list 5-10 good qualities that I have, such as understanding,
intelligence, or creativity. I will repeat these to myself whenever I start to feel
bad about my body.

6. I WILL refuse to wear clothes that are uncomfortable or that I do not
like but wear simply because they divert attention from my weight or shape.
I will wear clothes that are comfortable and that make me feel comfortable
in my body.

5. I WILL participate in activities that I enjoy, even if they call
attention to my weight and shape. I will constantly remind myself that I
deserve to do things I enjoy, like dancing, swimming, etc., no matter
what my shape or size is!

4. I WILL exercise for the joy of feeling my body move and grow stronger. I
will not exercise simply to lose weight, purge fat from my body, or to “makeup”
for calories I have eaten.

3. I WILL spend less and less time in front of mirrors—especially when they are
making me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious about my body.

2. I WILL think of three reasons why it is ridiculous for me to believe that thinner people arehappier or ‘better.” I will repeat these reasons to myself whenever I feel the urge to compare mybody shape to someone.

I will choose to take care of myself and my body!

Back to Lionmamma -- I love this list. It is amazing.

I am going to print this out and post it on my wall and PRACTICE these choices. I want to start growing a new mindset in me that is loving to myself and loving to other people. What I see in media right now is a message that says, "you are not good enough, you do not measure up, and other women are a threat to you." I want to live out a different message to myself and those around me. "You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you are a loved and priceless work of art, made by the all powerful God of the universe with intention and purpose juast for you. You are unique, you add to the goodness of the world by your mere existence. The same is true for me, the same is true for every human being." Let us love ourselves and love one another.

Motivation

I have to confess that although I am now a believer through and through in the effectiveness of Flylady, right now I am struggling along with it. This month is gardening month (more on that later:) and also the gallery is opening next saturday, and the half marathon is the following saturday. Add to that some unusually hot weather and you can see why things have been intense lately. I am determined not to give up, though.
Tonight Brandon went to bed early and I did not want to shine the sink before bed. It was full of dishes. Finally I stopped worrying about it and set the kitchen timer for five minute. Four minutes later the sink was empty and the dishwasher was running.
I am more and more convinced that I usually spend more time worrying about doing something than it would take to actually do it. I like using the timer for these situations. I say, "Ok, I will just pick up clutter for five minutes" (or ten or fifteen). It reminds me that these things are actually pretty darn easy to do, once you start.
I enjoyed shining my sink after the dishes were in the washer, and I reflected on how shining the sink really is something I do for myself. It is all becoming something I do for myself. I enjoy tidying and cleaning. The little tasks can be relaxing, so I try to do housework slow and easy. I have begun to think of taking care of the home in a similar way to how I think of taking care of my body.
Speaking of body care, I realized the other day that I was getting about half a cup of honey a day just in my tea or coffee. That is just too much. I am trying to find a way to moderate my added-sugar intake. I know my honey habit is probably not as bad as what lots of Americans consume, but that is not the point for me. I want to feel good, and I have noticed that I get really addicted to that caffeine and sugar fix. I have used the excuse of being a new mom for awhile, but I dont want to let that become a rut for me. My goal is to cut down to two tablespoons of honey a day. I will let you know how that goes.
OK, so the kitchen is clean and I feel peaceful sitting here and blogging with Jack Frost curled up on my "piggy-toes." Baby steps! I will just stick with my baby steps.

I Ate It!!

This post is inspired by the fact that I just ate the last organic apple in our house.
Since I have been married and had children, I have this instinctive urge to save the best of everything for the other family members. Especially when it comes to food. When Brandon and I first got married, I got the biggest kick out of feeding him. I think it is the southern woman in me. Now I am really busy and too often I forget to cook, but I still have that urge to save the best foods for Brandon and Elijah. Finally I realized that there are times when I need to just eat it. My body is probably the hardest working body in the house (think baby-making and baby-nursing). Come to think of it, you could consider my body in symbiotic relationship to every other body in our household. What is good for my body is good for us all. So I decided it is a good idea for me to eat the sliced turkey instead of saving it for Brandon's lunch, and to eat the last organic apple instead of saving it for Elijah. It is even a good idea to buy the more expensive Greek yogurt because it has twice the protein and I need massive amounts of protein right now.
Mamma is taking care of herself. That is a hard habit to learn! But I want my babies to see their mamma care for her body, and I know it will help them to someday do the same.
So here is my picture after I ate the apple. Yum!

See Mommy Run

Those are not my children, but they are in the double jogging stoller I have, the Bob Revolution Duallie, and it is a cute picture.

I had been running about ten years when I got pregnant with Elijah. I went ahead and kept running throughout both my pregnancies. I am thankful that I did not have any complications or health problems that would prevent me from going about my normal exercise routines. With both babies I was able to run 5k races at five months, and won my age group both times (OK, I admit both times it was a really small race, but still...). My doctors knew I was running and were perfectly fine with it. In my second pregnancy I was still nursing Elijah, so between nursing, growing a baby, and running, my body was doing alot. I did more spin classes than running in the second and third trimeters that time. Now I am nursing two little ones and training for a half marathon. Since Beatrice started sleeping through the night, I am able to do more. I was dissapointed at first when I couldnt jump right into training again after she was born. I had to be patient with my body and cut back my running days to only three per week. I think the lack of sleep was keeping my muscles from recovering as effeciently.

The most helpful thing about running when pregnant and with babies has been learning to listen to my body. I dont push it too hard. I have found that when my body is too stressed it is impossible to increase my fittness level. I have found that there are times when I get better results from taking time off. At the same time, exercise helped me alot when I was sleep deprived. It actually energized me and made it easier to get through those days. In some ways having two little ones has been easier than having one because they keep me moving around more, and it is often when you sit still that fatigue is really hard to bear. It keeps me in touch with my body, trying to tell how much exercise helps me without going overboard and doing it until it wears me down.

Moderation takes more focus than going to an extreme.

It also sounds ironic, but having less time to exercise makes me more motiviated. I do most of my running at the YMCA, while the little ones are in the nursery. Whenever I have an opportunity when someone can watch the children while I go for a run, it is really a treat and I just take off.

Someone said to me today, "wow you have a six month old baby and you are doing a half marathon, thats great!" I said, "Oh, that does sound good, doesn't it? I forget to look at it that way!" Basically, with babies, just getting out there makes you a winner! Thats nice, isnt it?

Follow up on "Mamma Burnout"

I didnt mean to make it sound in that last post as if getting to know myself and getting a daily routine simply made mamma burnout dissapear. The limitations that motherhood imposed on me just put me in a better position to slow down and have to be present with myself, and that was the point I wanted to make. But in terms of how I transitioned from feeling somewhat isolated to really having more of a life than I ever have had before -- that has been a journey. I have had alot of help. An Al-anon slogan says that we are "powerless but not helpless." I like to think of being "not helpless" in terms of all the places where I can and do seek help.
One way I ask for help is in prayer. A good prayer for any "poor me" feelings has been to pray for God to enlarge my heart. I know I am a selfish person by nature, and while it is easy to love your children, it can be hard to give to them 24/7 in the way they need it, even when you are taking care of yourself too. I often ask God to enlarge my heart -- to send me more love for my children and husband, and to help me just enjoy being around them and treasure these days. My children are going to be small for only a very little while and I know I will look back on this time with longing some day. I want to be able to treasure it now. When I have asked God for this, I believe he has done it. I am thankful for the blissful moments He has given me when we are all together being in the moment. Sometimes God just reminds me to stop cleaning or working and just sit down with the little ones and snuggle or play with them.
Also on a prayer note, I have asked God for strength for the day on many tough days. I often feel physically tired and sometimes I feel overwhelmed with what needs to be done in the day. When I ask God for strength just for that day, He gives it to me.
I have alot of people who help me too. Going to Granny's house is a treat for my children and for me! Having family nearby is a huge asset in terms of day to day sanity. Our family who are out of state have also been a major help to us in other ways (not the least the incredible generosity of my inlaws in recently buying us a minivan). The church provides a Bible study with free childcare, and my YMCA has free childcare while I work out. My husband is a champion at helping me with everything, and giving me time on my own for attending al-anon meetings and doing saturday training runs with my YMCA running group.
So I rely on God, family, and friends. Isn't help a wonderful thing? I believe that to anyone who seeks help, it will be given.

The Gift of "Mamma Burnout"

I should preface this by saying it is only what has worked for me; there is as much variation in ideas for living well as there is people to live. But I love hearing how other mommies do things, and if you are a momma, I'll bet you do to.
My experience has been that I have more of a life now than I did before having children. I think this is because I did not have discipline to develop my interests well before children (let's refer to this time as B.C.) All that free time I had B.C. made it harder for me to focus on developing anything. Also, I was able to divert myself with random pleasures enough that I did not have to face my character defects that were holding me back from getting to know myself better. I really had less identity then than I do now.
Having children was a sort of ball and chain for me (granted the most wonderful, sweet, and blessed ball and chain imaginable!) at first. I loved them so so dearly and wouldnt go back to B.C. for anything, but i also felt stressed and isolated. What was good about the limitations the children put on me was that I had to face myself, being present with myself and my own lack of inner resources. I had to start getting help dealing with the parts of myself where I was unhealthy, becuase I couldnt hide from them anymore by diversions.
When I began to seek help for myself, I found I was beginning to develop a positive network of support people. Goodbye feelings of isolation! As I began to get to know myself, instead of just entertaining myself, I began to discover what I really like. I like art. I like gardening. I like making my own foods. I like running. I really like gourds and gourd art.
Now, about learning what I like: I never developed myself artistically even when I was in art school becuase I never knew what I liked. I couldnt tell you what kind of art I enjoyed. For me art was one part outlet, and one part parlour trick. I got attention by making art, and that was a good part of my incintive for doing it. I didnt love it for itself that much, though. However, I am artistic, and now I am able to tell you what art I love and why. I also have found, in gourd art, a medium I love enough to persue with dedication.
Now comes the fun part. I know what I like. How do I get to do it while taking care of two small children? For me the answer has been routines. I used to hate routines but now I see them as musical living. I use the Flylady system to make homecare easier. My children take at least two naps every day, and we stay home alot so that when they are tired, they can lay down. Staying home keeps them happy and gives me more free time at home to do those things I love. The only place we go very often is church, grannie's house (3 miles away), and the YMCA. The Y is part of our morning routine now, and the kids do really great staying in nursury while I work out. I have found it is easier to be motivated to run now that I only get one chance to do it every day.
So that is why "Mamma Burnout" has been a gift for me... it has helped with getting rid of some things holding me back.

Workaholics Anonymous Affirmations

Lets have three cheers for Workaholics Anonymous, one of the lesser known of the 12 step Anonymous groups. And three more cheers for affirmations; we all need more exposure to these guys for sure. Here are some of my favorite WA affirmations:

I refuse to rush; there will be enough time.

The slower I go, the more I do, the more time I have.

Think timelessness -- sip, not gulp.

Slow is beautiful and powerful. I move glacially.

Am I a human being or a human doing? Am I enjoying, or enduring?

I'm not livin' if I'm driven.

My life is full and underscheduled.

Rest is the best reward I give myself.

Success is the quality of your journey.

Enjoyment is my way of keeping score.

The goal is the excuse for the fun of the race.

Work is the highest form of play.

Put it on your not-do list.

I do everything easily and effortlessly.

There is no place I have to go, and nothing I have to do.

Even if offered the best, say "no" if you need to rest.

Simplicity means small and frequent pleasures.

Importance, not urgency; values, not goals; quality, not quantitiy.

I am more effective by beaing more selective.

The slower I go, the faster I grow.

My body is my friend and my temple. I bless and thank it daily and obey its signals.

Emotions are information. I honor their important messages.

You can't run your life on empty.

and my current favorite:
When you simplify, you're not subtracting: you're adding time and space.

**Taken from "Workaholics Anonymous, Book of Recovery."**

The Next Right Thing

Some days you feel on top of everything, and you are tapped into your inner super hero. Other days "super hero" seems absurd. Sometimes your parenting decisions are working perfectly and you are on a roll, and other times you are doubting and wondering if you are one of the worst parents ever. I think this is perfectly normal.

Today has been the second way for me. The little ones are sick and I am sleep deprived. I havn't ran in days and the nap routine is off. I found myself in the middle of the day getting bogged down with second guessing my decisions and fretting over what I should be doing and if I was doing it ok. I am thankful that I recognized that I was feeling not quite right (listening to my feelings!) and I prayed. The Al-anon saying, "Do the next right thing" came to mind. For me today that was check on the potatoes in the oven, start some more laundry, interact with Elijah, and make us some healthy food. As I began to re-engage with my children, my home and myself, my stress and anxiety decreased and my confidence began to return.

A superhero must slow down to "lift up her eyes to the hills" and hearken.