Body Image Troubles?

Last week I decided to make a pair of cut off jean shorts. I went online to a popular clothing store's website (sort or rhymes with "averygood beagle")to look for pictures to decide how long to cut them. OK, so I just opened their homepage and I was totally shocked. These little girls modelling the clothes look like they are in a "feed the children" add. They really look like they need someone to send them a bowl of rice.

Call me naive. Well, I am a little naive because I dont have network TV at home, I seldom go to malls, and I dont look at women's magazines. Now, even though I avoid those things for the most part, I still feel pressure to conform to society's idea of what a female looks like. But when I went on this company's websit, I was blown away. There is NO WAY those girls in their adds are healthy. I went on a couple of other sites for clothing stores who market to young women, and found really similar results. The "Averygood Beagle" site bothered me the most though, because it was the one I looked at which was oriented toward the youngest set -- I know its probably the most popular store with most high school girls around here. I hate to think they are internalizing these adds.

I have begun doing a little research into body image issues, and issues regaurding the way women are depicted in media. It is discouraging how few resources there are on this topic. The objectification of women (and the human body in general, male or female) apparently is something we are so used to that we are insensitive to it. There is obviously financial motivations.

I am especially discouraged by looking at the television programming that is oriented toward pre-teens. The preoccupation with image, both physical image and "attitude" image is apparently the main thrust of much of the programming. In school as well, I see this age group under pressure to focus on superficialities, with independent thinking and unique interests discouraged. Individuality is discouraged. Passion is discouraged.

OK, this is my first time attempting a rant on this topic, and there are many people who adress it much more elloquently than me. I just feel I have to take a shot at it, though. I encourage everyone to look into some of these issues: body image, self esteem (especially for girls), issues facing teens, media depiction of women, etc. I just started googleing some of these things and have found some interesting results.

BUT, we can go on about how bad all these things are all day, but ultimately the only way to change anything is to TAKE ACTION, STARTING WITH YOUR OWN MIND AND HEART AND WILL. Here is something I found that I LOVE. (for some reason this copied out of order, but I dont think it matters)

10 “Will-Powers” for Improving Body Image (by Michael Levine and Linda Smolak.

1. Twice a day, everyday, I WILL ask myself: “Am I benefiting from focusing on what I believeare the flaws in my body weight or shape?”

10. I WILL treat my body with respect and kindness. I will feed it, keep it active, and listen toits needs. I will remember that my body is the vehicle that will carry me to my dreams!

9. I WILL surround myself with people and things that make me feel good about myself and my
abilities. When I am around people and things that support me and make me feel good, I will be less likely to base my self-esteem on the way my body looks.

8. I WILL practice taking people seriously for what they say, feel, and do. Not for
how slender, or “well put together” they appear.

7. I WILL list 5-10 good qualities that I have, such as understanding,
intelligence, or creativity. I will repeat these to myself whenever I start to feel
bad about my body.

6. I WILL refuse to wear clothes that are uncomfortable or that I do not
like but wear simply because they divert attention from my weight or shape.
I will wear clothes that are comfortable and that make me feel comfortable
in my body.

5. I WILL participate in activities that I enjoy, even if they call
attention to my weight and shape. I will constantly remind myself that I
deserve to do things I enjoy, like dancing, swimming, etc., no matter
what my shape or size is!

4. I WILL exercise for the joy of feeling my body move and grow stronger. I
will not exercise simply to lose weight, purge fat from my body, or to “makeup”
for calories I have eaten.

3. I WILL spend less and less time in front of mirrors—especially when they are
making me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious about my body.

2. I WILL think of three reasons why it is ridiculous for me to believe that thinner people arehappier or ‘better.” I will repeat these reasons to myself whenever I feel the urge to compare mybody shape to someone.

I will choose to take care of myself and my body!

Back to Lionmamma -- I love this list. It is amazing.

I am going to print this out and post it on my wall and PRACTICE these choices. I want to start growing a new mindset in me that is loving to myself and loving to other people. What I see in media right now is a message that says, "you are not good enough, you do not measure up, and other women are a threat to you." I want to live out a different message to myself and those around me. "You are fearfully and wonderfully made, you are a loved and priceless work of art, made by the all powerful God of the universe with intention and purpose juast for you. You are unique, you add to the goodness of the world by your mere existence. The same is true for me, the same is true for every human being." Let us love ourselves and love one another.

My Body, My Minivan, and My Identity

This posting is a musing on some changes that have come along with being a mother. When I first got pregnant (at 28) I was really felt too young to be a mother. Ok, so I had an extended adolescance. Now I am 31, only three years have passed, but in terms of experience I feel like a different person! When I was 28, it seemed scary to me to change from my still somewhat adolescent mindset to the mother mindset. I worried about looking like a mother, too, whatever that means.
Of course my own mother is awesome, and that definately helped me face the idea of motherhood with optimism. I remember as a small child thinking that "being a mamma" must be the best thing in the world, because I couldn't imagine anyone more awesome than my mamma!
But I still felt worried when I got pregnant at 28 about what life would be like with children. At the time I worked very hard to stay thin and dress in a style that I thought portrayed my personality, and I was worried that I would loose my individuality in motherhood.
When the children (I say children because we had two pretty close together) arrived, I did struggle with my identity for awhile. But the interesting thing was that I ended up coming to the conclusion that I had not really had an identitiy to loose. I had spent alot of time thinking about what I thought was cool, but less time living what I loved. Now, I was not a total looser by any means, and I did alot of stuff. But my heart was not always in the moment. I did not always know why I was doing what I was doing, and often thought I needed to be doing something else.
And at first, I still thought identity had to do with what I looked like. I think that in our society, that is the natural conclusion. You watch TV and get all these messages that what you look like is who you are. I spent alot of time back then trying to look natural, artistic, and outdoorsy, because that was what I wanted my identity to be.
A couple of changes after motherhood brought this image idea to a crisis for me. One thing, this is an obvious one, is that my body changed after bearing two children. At first I could not deal with the fact that my body changed from the waifish, girlish figure I had before babies. Gradually, as I learned to focus on health, and what my body could DO, the miricle of making a child, making food for that child, and the amazing strength of my body to continue staying fit and strong during and after the process, I started caring less about what it looked like and more about how amazing it is. I have over time learned to appreciate even the new look of my body, and finally to come to appreciate a more womanly appearance. In fact, my husband thinks its really hot:)
Another, kind of funny change that happened was the process of switching to a minivan. My dear inlaws were so patient with me about this, and now I find it kind of a funny joke on me. Well, I think most people, to some extent, see the vehicle they drive as a projection of their personality, at least to some degree. And I dont think too many women who drive minivans really would say with satisfaction, "I think my minivan is an image of who I am." And as I said, I was still living my extended adolescence to some degree when I got pregnant the first time. So when I was faced with the prospect of driving a minivan, I did not at first find that too exciting. Over time, however, I came to think differently about what a minivan is. First I just saw it as your steriotypical "mom car." But as I hauled two little ones around in my station wagon, I began to think space could be an important thing. Actually, just the fact that we do lots of outdoors stuff, and that I have lots of art projects, means we have STUFF to haul around, and we need more space. A minivan has space. In fact, I think it has the most space of just about any vehicle you could drive, and is more fuel efficient. It is a smart and economical vehicle. It makes sense. I started seeing it that way, and I realized there is a reason to drive a minivan. My husband knew this all along, and he had actually driven a minivan in college. But I had to come to it on my own. And, as I said, my dear inlaws were patient with me about it, because they were the ones offering to buy us one.
I still dress in a way I like, that seems to me to be natural, outdoorsy, and artistic. I even bought bumper stickers that I love for my minivan, and I have a secret (not secret now!) hope to get some flames added to "the Ghost" (that is my minivan's name). But now I see those things as something for fun and not the definition of who I am. Who I am has to do with what I love. Now when I take care of my babies and my family, I am able to be in the moment and know that I am exactly where I want to be, doing just what I want to be doing. And that is what identity is about.